Visitors to the UK are often confounded by British signage, sometimes seeming so ridiculous that that they are assumed to be a practical joke!

In the case of pedestrian crossings, many are marked amusingly:


Eh? Humped toucans?

The logical mind says "Toucans aren't plentiful in this country, and so they can't possibly need their own crossings. And even if there were a lot, they don't have humps! This must be a joke!"

There is, unsurprisingly, a perfectly logical explanation (to Brits) for having such a humorous road sign.

The first thing visitors need to know is that any sort of speed bump in the UK is called a "hump". Thus, a humped crossing is a raised section of road where vehicles are meant to slow down, where something may cross.

The second, item of importance to realize is that different types of crossings have been assigned a name with an animal theme. Here is an explanation of different crossing types:


Zebra - alternating white stripes where pedestrians may cross the road

Pelican - PEdestrian LIght CONtrolled crossing - a button can be pressed, activating a walk/don't walk signal on the opposite side of the road

Puffin - Pedestrian User-Friendly INtelligent crossing; walk/don't walk signals placed above button on near side of road

Toucan - A crossing for both bicycles and pedestrians (two can pass)

Pegasus - A crossing for horse riders (the button is located very high)

Panda - A predecessor to the pelican crossing, using pulsating colored lights

So, the "Humped Toucan Crossing" sign pictured above announces to drivers that there is a speed bump ahead where both pedestrians and cyclists may cross the road.

The Eden Project is a collection of huge plastic domes in Cornwall, containing climates and plant life that normally would not be found in England's Southwest. Its primary purpose is education - to demonstrate unfamiliar environments to visitors who otherwise would have to travel to study them.

The secondary objective is to promote eco-friendly practices. All electricity used to run the operation is sourced from Cornwall's many windmills. Critics complain that the large crowds the Domes sometimes attract results in the combustion of a lot of fossil fuels - the only way to visit is by car or bus. I'm sure, however, that it is much more economical than everyone hopping on planes and flying to the real environments that are simulated.


Eden Panorama - click for larger view

From the verge of the old clay pit where the domes are located, a complete view of the complex of giant golf balls is visible. The domes are enormous, and the curious visitor immediately wants to enter and explore.
There is no direct way to descend to the domes; a kilometer of switchbacks must be traversed in order to gain access to the entrance. After paying a hefty £15 ($30 US) admission fee, access to the pit is granted.


Gardens and walkways surround the domes

The gardens around the pit are nice, but the main attractions are indoors.


A huge sculpture made from household waste is dwarfed by the bubbles

The smallest of the buildings houses a circular skating surface under a canvas roof. This is seasonal, and the only place the locals have an opportunity to skate. Cooling pipes under the ice ensure it does not melt.


An indoor rink, costing an additional £4 per hour

Entering into the first biome gives visitors somewhat of a shock. Inside is a tropical rain forest - the humidity and heat hits the average Briton in the chest, unaccustomed as they are to such clime. The sound of flowing water and chirping birds overhead fill the air. It is difficult to get a view of the dome overhead with so much foliage in the way.


A paved path winds through the vegetation.

A path winds around the dome, past hundreds of differently labeled palms and bushes, and structures. Tropical trees soar into the air. Visitors stop to take pictures of a man-made waterfall tumbling over Star Trek rock (spray-on concrete), as though it were the real thing.


A better view of the dome structure can be had from the hilltop

Several tin roofed buildings are set up to simulate a village that could be seen on a tropical island. A "store" has imported canned foods stocking the shelves.


One of several buildings demonstrating primitive island construction


A grove of trees produce a bean-filled cocoa fruit - chocolate!

To the majority of Britons that are mad about plants, this place is fascinating. They fondle the leaves, wishing they could have just one of these in their back yard. Rubber plants, cocoa trees, and banana palm displays attract hoards of school groups and families. Chili bushes seem to be intentionally decorated with little dangling peppers, and passers-by point out the resemblance to Christmas trees.


Mediterranean pokers

The second dome simulates a mediterranean climate. It is divided into sections featuring plants from the Mediterranean, South Africa, and California. A bedouin tent is set up for youngsters to enjoy a story time. Iron statues simulate a bunch of Africans dancing in the sand.


Nightfall architecture

The Eden Project is a unique place and something Cornwallians arew quite proud of. I found it interesting to visit once. I could occupy myself for a good hour, but felt obligated to stay for twice that because of the 15 quid I'd forked over to see it. I watched an Al Gore film in the adjacent educational centre to fill up even more time before leaving, and when I left the sun had already set. I don't think I could handle an annual pass.

Early cartographers imagined that this peninsula in Britain's Southwest resembled the head of an enormous lizard. "That's why they named it Lizard Peninsula," I was told.

"Not at all, the name comes from the old Cornish word "lezou", meaning headland," said another.

Whichever the case, located at approximately 49°57'N, 5°12'W is a little head of land jutting from Lizard Peninsula into the sea, known as Lizard Point. This is the UK's Southernmost point, if you don't count anything on the Scilly Isles or the Channel Islands.


Location of Great Britain's Southernmost tip

The rugged, wave-lashed landscape here is beautifully situated off the main tourist circuit. Most vacationing Britons are happy to shuttle their families to the Land's End shopping complex, and empty their wallets on souvenir spoons and jumpers. Missed is this piece of dramatic coastal scenery and ideal scuba spot, known for its sunken wrecks and the offshore reef.


Lizard Point panorama

Lizard Point is managed by The National Trust. It has been designated an AONB site (Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty) and also SSSI (Site of Special Scientific Interest). This is one of the few places that 'serpentine' rock can be found - it is dark green and "looks like the skin of a scaly snake," say many.


National Trust Sign

The National Trust has permitted the construction of a few buildings over the years. Closest to the tip is their own The National Trust Shop and Cafe, where you can enjoy a cream tea while soaking up the scenery. Slightly North is the incredibly tacky The Most Southerly Gift Shop, which would be truly named if the National Trust Shop didn't sell gifts. Farther back from the cliffs is yet another cafe, as well as someone's private residence, known as The Most Southerly House.


The most Southerly Cafe and Gift Shops


The most Southerly house

A track winding towards water level leads to an old lifeboat station. It is unused as such; there is a newer one a few miles East.

In 1907, the SS Suevic struck the Maenheere Reef near Lizard Point. In dense fog and strong gale, 456 passengers were rescued by lifeboats rowed out from here and 3 other stations. All on board were saved.


Lifeboat house

The English Channel is an active shipping lane. Many wrecks have occurred on the rocks over the years. A nearby lighthouse warns of impending doom.

The South West Coast Path cuts through the space between the Southerly House and Southerly Gift Shop. It provides access to the nearby Lizard Youth Hostel, Lizard Point Lighthouse, not to mention the 629 other miles of hike-able coastline.

In 1588, the invading Spanish Armada was spotted from this point. Consisting of 29000 men on 130 ships, it was the largest invasion of the time, with the goal of conquering England. If you know your history, I don't need to tell you that the English Navy was a stronger force, and Spanish is not spoken here today.


Wild ponies

Today, in front of the lighthouse, a few hairy ponies scavenge for edible shrubbery, oblivious to the fine view.

If you happen to have a four wheel drive at your disposal and a couple of weeks to spare, you can leave the comfort of Australia's paved roads and venture North, up Cape York. Few people make it to the end, the journey being one through inhospitable scrub on rough, sandy tracks which frequently dip down to cross creeks that are deep enough to drown the average family car. In the rainy season, the route can be impassible and very dangerous. And that's without mentioning the crocodiles.


Australia's Northernmost point of mainland

If you make it to the end, you will find a lonely sign affixed to a rocky outcrop. There are no comforts here. Swimming is not recommended due to the concentration of sharks and even crocodiles in the sea water.


Great Britain's rubbish tip

The contours of the UK coastline is such that it also has many tips. The one most raved about is in the county of Cornwall. It is technically not the UK's most Westerly, Southerly, or any other direction Point, but it is on the end of a very long peninsula, and good enough reason to put a marker of some sort.


Land's End shopping complex

There is, unfortunately, more than just a marker. The entire area is commercialized operation known as Land's End, and you cannot get close without paying a £5 admission fee to drive down the long driveway and park in the huge parking area - unless you were to park back in the nearest town and walk it. A sprawling complex of buildings mars the site, offering shopping, restaurants, art stores, a hotel, a playground, and a half dozen kitschy entertainment attractions you must pay entry for - such as a Dr Who display, a "motion theatre", a petting zoo, and an indoor maze named "The First and Last Labyrinth".


Some closed attractions

I visited Land's End in the windy, gray month of January. The place was nearly deserted and all of the attractions were closed, excepting the signpost.


A lifeboat for slow children

The playground is integrated with a couple of dry-docked boats - a fishing trawler and a lifeboat. These were supposedly closed, blocked with a chain and hanging sign, however I have found in the past that such things are usually more fun when you're not supposed to be using them. This time was no exception. I think these were the best part of the whole Land's End tourist trap!


The Land's End signpost

After navigating my way through the maze of buildings, I reached the seaside. There is a signpost there, fenced off and guarded by a man in a wooden booth. The sign has lettering on an arm pointing inland, which can be adjusted to spell your hometown. To gain access to the sign area and to stand next to this sign and have a photo taken, another sum of money must be paid. Not worth it to me, no matter how much fun the subjects of the sample photographs appeared to be having.


The first and last time I visit this tip.

A paved road from the sign leads to the First and Last Refreshment House. I imagine that is where refreshing beverages and refreshing food are sold, but cannot be certain - it was unrefreshingly closed.

I'm guessing that they named this pub the first and last because if you're coming from the West, it is the first pub you'll hit, and if you've come from the East, it is the last one you'll hit... before encountering the Scilly Isles, a few miles offshore with their own first and last pubs.


In the closest village - Is the music not also good?

Eastward, in the closest village there is another building with the same owners, carrying an interesting history. This inn has been standing since the 1600's and for centuries was headquarters to a smuggling operation. Tunnels and secret passages were used to enter the inn and avoid capture by government officials. Much of the village was involved, and the identities of all were closely guarded. It all fell apart when Annie and Joseph George, the managers of the inn, were ejected over a blackmail attempt and tattled to the authorities. Annie met her demise at the hands of vengeful villagers when they staked her to a nearby beach at low tide. She was buried in the cemetery next to this pub.

The British love their sausages almost as much as the Germans love würst. The large variety available in my local Sainsbury's testifies to this fact. I counted 42 different brands and flavours available on my last visit.


Supermarket fresh sausages display

These sausages aren't the same as the horrible North American frozen breakfast sausage (personal opinion). They are fresh and usually combined with herbs and spices, fruits or vegetables to give some most salivating flavors. You might find leek, cheese, chili, coriander, apple, honey, mustard, pepper, garlic, or paprika in their ingredients list. Also available are regional varieties, such as Lincolnshire and Cumberland, and further afield, Irish, Toulouse, and Sicilian sausages. Strangely, there aren't any German varieties available in my supermarket.

British sausages are traditionally pan-fried with onions and served with mashed potatoes and gravy and sometimes peas, a dish known as "bangers 'n mash". Personally, my favorite way is cooked on a BBQ and served on a roll. Much like a hotdog.


Hotdogs in a can?

Hotdogs can be found in the canned meats section of the supermarket, alongside SPAM and other corned beefs. There are no fresh shrink-wrapped varieties available. They are priced very cheaply, ringing alarm bells in my head over the quality. £0.35 for 8 hotdogs in brine, or £0.59 for 8 store-brand "premium" pork hotdogs in brine.

I had decided long ago that if I was going to try a British hotdog, I would need to buy something a little more appealing than the hidden contents of can. These are the cans people buy for their dogs because they're cheaper than regular dog food. They're made from scraps from the butcher's floor, infused with chemical preservatives, and coloring so they don't look so gray.


Hotdogs with American stylin'

Fortunately, some shops carry hotdogs in jars, where the wieners can be seen through the glass before you actually buy them. Only £1.59.

Hoping the old problems resulting in a product recall had been solved, I recently brought a jar home. I was enticed by Captain Hotdog's sales pitch, proclaiming that they've got the "best ever quality".


Captain Hotdog, edible mascot

In North America there is a well-known hotdog shopping dilemma. Weiners are sold in packs of 12, yet hotdog buns in packs of 8. You'll always have either too many hotdogs or too many buns unless you buy weiner packs in multiples of 3, and bun packs in multiples of 4.

I first thought that the British had solved this difficult problem by packaging cans and jars with 8 units only... until I went looking for hotdog buns. There are none! The British just put these things on rolls or baps (like a small hamburger bun), with ends of the hotdog protruding. They may get this from the Germans, because I remember seeing foot-long wieners protruding from hand-sized rolls when I was last there. These jarred hotdogs do seem to be longer than the standard fare in North America.

I ended up grabbing a sub roll to serve as my hotdog bun. I chose the pack that was reduced to £0.44, because I'm a bit cheap - and this is only an experiment.


Makeshift hotdog buns in packs of 2

Once the wiener was cooked and combined with the bun, edam cheese, ketchup, and mustard, I was ready to eat and compare to my previous memory of the American hotdog.


A complete British hotdog

Taste Test Result:
The British "American Style" hotdog tastes like an American hotdog that has been salted and smoked (or smoke flavor added).

I also conclude that these are not American Style Hotdogs, but rather American Style sausages. I don't think there is a British style hotdog, but there are sausages aplenty. Plus, the term "American Style Hotdog" seems a bit repetitive. Hotdog is a word that originates in the US, so the word inherently refers to the American style. I have heard that it was coined to serve as a replacement and to halt the use of the original name "frankfurter" when the war was on. If that were true, it makes me wonder why they also did not rename the hamburger, which owes its name to another German city.